I’m not good at “keeping house”. This realization more often than not leaves me feeling completely inadequate as both a wife and partner. I just can’t seem to make myself tackle things like dishes or dusting because they are never ending. I’ve gotten better about staying on top of laundry but that is a steep uphill battle for me. I honestly believe there’s some key element missing from my DNA.
Today I tried to be better, for both myself and Husband. Expired food was chunked from cabinets. Appliances were somewhat cleaned. Countertops wiped down. Dishes were done and put away. Cabinets and drawers were cleaned out and reorganized. Eventually though I ran out of steam. I always run out of steam. I want to be proud of myself but I look around at all that still needs to be done and pride is a hard thing to find.
I keep thinking that if I minimize the amount of “stuff” then keeping it maintained will be easier. So I box/bag up piles of things to give away to charity and family members. I feel relieved to see them go and think to myself, “Ok this should be easier now…” but it never is. The “stuff” I gave away seems to be replaced by other “stuff” faster than I can become aware of it happening.
I’ve really been trying the last few months to clear out the “stuff” in our house. I’ve tried very hard to be cognizant of what we’re buying and how it will fit into the grand scheme of “stuff” already owned by us. It’s just not easy. I’m prone to deep emotional attachment to our “stuff” and Husband is prone to packrat-ness. I envy people who can pack their most valuable possessions into their car; I envy people who aren’t owned by their “stuff”.
I keep waiting for that epiphany. Waiting for that moment when things will just make sense. I’m not sure where I belong in this universe, what my purpose in this life is. I wish I could clear away all the unnecessary “stuff” from my proverbial basement and get to the heart of the matter. Where’s that catalyst when you need one?
