I know what I should be doing… juicing religiously, exercising, meditating, taking my vitamins… not drinking starbucks, not eating junk food, not sitting at my computer for hours playing the Sims… alas I’m on the path de destructo lately. (Not looking for sympathy, trust me… just trying to get these toxic thoughts out of my head)

I think there is a combination of things at work here. Most of which I don’t feel comfortable dissecting here for the entire world to read. (Not that I think I have much of a readership but you know what I mean) It’s just hard sometimes when you feel stuck… trapped and aren’t sure how to right yourself down the path that will lead to ultimate happiness. I’ve started too many projects and made too many commitments for my own sanity currently. This leads to a Karen who wants to hide in bed all day with trashy chick lit and drink Starbucks.

In other thoughts…

I have absolutely no desire to go to my high school reunion. None. It's not that I hated high school. Quite the opposite... I have fond memories and had some close friends. However, I mostly definitely would not say that they were the best years of my life… quite the opposite in fact. It wasn't until college that I really started to understand myself and embrace the me that had been screaming to be set free for all those years. I dyed my hair funky colors and pierced body parts. I also lost every single friend I had from high school (I am not laying blame here just to be clear). We became different people who couldn't relate anymore, all we could do was reminisce about the old days. And to me... that's not the best way to live life. I don't want to spend any more time in the past then necessary. I want to look forward with the knowledge that what happened in my past made me who I am. Which means that if you are reading this and we went to high school together... don't expect to see me next year. Sorry. Sorta.

Also…

In the event of my unfortunate demise my last wishes are as follows:

• I will be cremated and I want my ashes to scattered in cool locations. Take a road trip with my remains (ala Elizabethtown). I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to visit a certain location on a certain day and mourn me. Think of me fondly when you visit places I loved.
• P.s. Bury me and I will haunt your behind for the rest of eternity.
• You will donate whatever organs are salvageable. I'm pretty sure I'll have no use for them seeing as how I am now dead.
• No funeral. No preachers saying prayers over my body. I was not a religious person and I would like to be honored even in the event of my death. This also means that there will be no viewing my dead (read: CREEPY) body. I’m serious.
• You will throw a party in my memory. You will sit around blaring music, laughing and sharing stories about how awesome I was and how lame your lives will now be without me.
• P.s. Some crying is ok. It’s to be expected. I just expect far more laughing then crying.
• My party will contain a fully-loaded nacho bar and drinks will be catered by Starbucks. Strawberry Cheesecake is also permissible but not cherry, that’s just nasty.
• The music that shall be played with contain at the very least the following songs: Punk Rock Princess - Something Corporate, Rockstar - Nickelback, Longview - Greenday, and If I had a Million Dollars - Barenaked Ladies. If you play sad songs I will haunt your behind.

One final thought:

True FREAKING Blood.

Oh. My. Jebus. (The cool kids know what I’m talking about)

I’m done.

Expect to hear from me again in another month. Or 4… whenever I get off my behind and take back control of my life.