Coping

Coping is a funny thing. It never fails to amaze me the things the human mind is and is not capable of handling. The past few weeks have been what seems like a never ending test of that for me.

When I started at the vet Husband was afraid of two things. My willingness to do the "dirty" work and my ability to handle death. The first is valid because I always make him clean up any bodily fluids left behind by our dogs, and well the second is valid because when I used to watch Emergency Vets on Animal Planet I would sob like a little child anytime an animal died. So far I'm handling both extremely well. So much so that he tells me if we have kids I'm in charge of any "clean ups". I think not. On the second note... I think I'm coming to terms with death. Being in a vet's office makes me more curious then emotional. When they put a 20 y/o cat to sleep the other day I found myself being happy he had lived a happy life and not focusing on the other half of the situation. I'm sure it will be different as time wears on but for now I'm dealing better then he expected.

Not to post a terribly depressing blog but I think dealing with death on an animal level makes dealing with it on the personal level easier. I find myself coming to terms with deaths in my past I had yet to find peace with. It's all very odd.

On the other hand... I'm not coping well with the extremely long hours. I'm working from 7:30am-6:15pm every day. No breaks. I barely get to eat. Tomorrow will be the first full day I've had off in over 2 weeks. I'm ready for it. I sobbed the other day while working at the bank. I couldn't take the pressure anymore. They are trying to arrange for my hours to be cut back down to part-time. They say if nothing else by Dec 1 I should be back to just 20 hrs a week. Blah. I want to quit but I just got my first paycheck from the vet's office and let's just say... it isn't much.

Still no word on Husbands job. The anticipation may kill us.

It's in the 70s and it's November. I'm not coping well with that. I want to sweaters and that's that.

I had fully intended to blog more, maybe later. I'm still exhausted.