I keep thinking that something will come to me. That a really great articulate blog idea will materialize and it will flow seamlessly from my brain to the keyboard. Alas that is not the case. I've been an intellectual mess the past few weeks.
I don't really feel like my work-place drama has been resolved. If anything, I feel like the recent events are killing whatever remaining moral we may have had. We are under-staffed so things aren't running as smoothly as they were before. Plus add that to the fact that my scheduling has yet to be resolved and set in stone.
Most days I love my job. Although there are those days where I leave feeling so unsettled. I think about the 7 week old puppy who developed a heart murmur and had to be euthanized because it was the right thing to do. But then there are those moments that despite the fact that you KNOW it was the right thing to do you can't help but feel devastated. I asked one of the vets today if it ever got any easier, despite the fact that I already knew the answer, and she said no. She says that you learn to move on easier afterwards but it will never get any easier. I could barely look in the face of the woman with the puppy afterwards because I just didn't know what to say or do. I've always been a hyper-emotional person but I don't think I ever learned how to respond to other people's emotions. Maybe it's a skill I will be forced to learn now.
Husband volunteered for a what I consider a substantial deployment this summer. It's not even a for-sure thing but I find myself distraught anyway. I'm not really good at being a "military" wife therefore I'm always thankful he's just in the National Guard. Although he was offered a temporary position on base which we're both really happy about. It'll be for only four months but hopefully it'll give him the leverage to get a full-time position in the not-so-distant future.
Last weekend I went into OCD mode and reorganized 95% of our bookshelf unit. (I would have done it all but was entirely too lazy to balance precariously on a chair to get the top 2 shelves) I even threatened Husband with a swiffer duster when he suggested another way of doing things. This is yet another reason I should not be allowed to clean. Granted the rest of our house is still a mess but at least now my books are organized.
I had to drop one of the classes I was taking this semester. With everything that has been going on lately I should couldn't handle it as well as I had hoped. In doing so I also decided to put off getting into the tech program for a while. I think it all happened too much too soon. Besides to do what I'm wanting to do you don't even technically need to be certified in Oklahoma. This takes a little pressure off me for a while which is really nice. For now I'm just enjoying learning all the different aspects of veterinary medicine.
I'm sure I've blathered on long enough about nothing entirely relevant so I'll wrap this up. Until next time...
1 comment:
I understand the lack of blogspiration and I've been going through it myself lately. I'm just glad you're posting when you can to keep us updated. Seeing everything you're going through w/ your job makes me respect you so much (not as if I didn't before!) and admire your dedication.
Also, I know what it's like to go through a deployment. I've endured 1 year, 4 month, 2 month, and smaller deployments since being w/ Mr. D. It's hard as hell (I won't lie!), but it really does make you stronger. I've also found that it's made our relationship stronger at times. If it does happen, you know I'm here if you need ANYTHING! And I mean it! I'm only an hour and a half away, so it would take no time if you need anything. I'd even pimp Mr. D out if you need big strong manly jobs done (haha!).
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